Like most people who post regularly on facebook (and certainly every blogger on facebook), I like getting “Likes”. As Jim Carrey said in Dumb & Dumber:
But not all “Likes” are created equal. Here is a list of just 10 of the different types of Facebook “Likes” out there:
1. The “Quid Pro Quo” Like: I’m only “Liking” your post so that you “Like” one of mine soon.
2. The “Sympathy” Like: Your friend posted something he clearly thought was funny / cute / a cry for attention four hours ago and still has zero likes, so you click him a pity like.
3. The “Stalker” Like: This is when a friend doesn’t actually click the “Like” button because he doesn’t want others to know how much he is on facebook, but then he will creep you out when you see him in person and he says knowingly, “Looks like you had a great time on that beach vacation last month.” Wha???
4. The “Give the Dog a Bone” Like: This person is always one of the first people to “Like” your posts and you never “Like” her stuff, so every once in a while you throw her a bone and click the “Like” button to keep her in your corner.
5. The “Bandwagon” Like: You might not think this post is particularly “Like”-worthy, but everyone else you know has given it a “Like” and now you look like an ass if you don’t “Like” the picture of your friend’s baby sitting next to a sign that says “6 months.”
6. The “Fat Finger” Like (a.k.a. “Finger-Liking-Good” Like): You don’t actually “Like” this post, you were just trying to scroll down on your smart phone when you accidentally hit the “Like” button. But now that your friend has received a notification that you “Liked” it, you can’t very well “unlike” it without looking like a jerk.
7. The “Drunk” Like: It seemed like a funny post at the time.
8. The “Cheap Whore” Like: This person “Likes” every post from everyone, there is literally nothing she hasn’t “Liked,” which makes her “Likes” cheap and meaningless – unless she one time doesn’t like something you post and you start to freak out that maybe she doesn’t like you anymore.
9. The “It’s not Schadenfreude!” Like: A friend posts some terrible news and you hit the “Like” button to show your support, but then you feel compelled to explain yourself in the comments, lest anyone think you were taking pleasure from your friend’s misfortune.
10. The “Narcissist” Like: You like your own post so that it appears in people’s newsfeeds again (if you have a separate blog page, you will “Like” it from both accounts), giving your friends/followers another chance to not “Like” it. You feel cheap and dirty doing it, but you do it anyway.
So now you are thinking, but wait, what if I really actually like something on facebook, I don’t want my friend to think it was one of these false likes?
Well, If you REALLY like something - say for instance, this blog post - you will not only hit the “Like” button, but you will also comment, share it, print it and hang it on your wall.